RISC World

The Hugh jampton Experience

With your host... Huuuuugh Jampton!

Thank you, thank you. No, please, thank you. Well I am delighted to be back. Now with the editors special permission I have been given a whole column of my own. Indeed Aaron described it as the last in a series of one, which sounds great! Anyway a funny thing happened to me on the way to write this column, a man walked up to me and said.

"Excuse me, don't you work for RISCOS Ltd?".
I could understand the mistake, after all I had just been standing in the unemployment queue with my arms crossed scowling at everyone.
"No I am sure you work for RISCOS Ltd"
he continued, I explained that I didn't but with some serious medication probably could.
"No, you are having me on aren't you, what's on the next Select CD then?"
I told him I had no idea.
"See you do work for RISCOS Ltd, I said you did!".
No I don't work for RISCOS Ltd, but how to prove it? Easy! I asked him if he had read the latest RISCOS Ltd annual report.
"Of course great news, yes, looks very rosy for the future, a job well done!".
I then took out a pen and tore a piece of paper off my suit and demonstrated how to add together two numbers, he looked crest fallen.
"So you can add up then?".
"So you don't work for RISCOS Ltd?"
"Are you sure?"
I fumbled in my pocket and pulled out a VirtualAcorn CD.
"Oh well, that clinches it. You can't work for RISCOS Ltd if you have that!"
Indeed. And you know what dear readers, I never saw him again.

That Windows feeling...

I was wondering what on earth I could use to fill up this column, then out of the blue I was sent some rather amusing pictures which I thought I really ought to share with you. So starting off here is one for everyone who works in an office armed with Microsoft software.

Of course one of the great advances in modern computers has been the introduction of badly animated "helper wizards". Thankfully it seems that RISC OS software hasn't been infected with this sort of thing...

...unless you count the silly "Top Tip" screen in DrawWorks Millennium. Still for anyone that has ever tried copying a large number of files under Windows may I offer this.

A long time ago a rumour started circulating that Microsoft was including special hidden options inside its programs. Well we can now reveal its true, if you don't believe me have a look.

Finally here is a little something for everyone who has just had enough.

And finally may I introduce the latest in labour saving gadgets. Ideal for any one who needs to use a Windows computer on a daily basis....

Hugh Jampton (Graduate of the John Kortink Customer Reassurance and support Program - known as CRaP)