RISC World

The Hugh Jampton Experience

With your host... Huuuuugh Jampton! (Cheesy early 70's Saturday Night ITV type TV music plays, Hugh bounds down the stairs in a spangly suit and give a huge TV type fake grin)

Thank you, thank you, nice to see see you, yes, it's the no expense spent budget part of RISC World, where I get the opportunity to offend someone so much that they threaten to sue. Still before that, this.

The caption competition

As you may well remember we ran this little piccy last issue and asked for your captions. Well amazingly for the 2nd time in a row we had some entries. So below are the least offensive....

I really must get onto broadband - Gordon Kattau
Hasn't this PC reached the start-up screen yet? - William McNee
Will Windoze never load? - Alan Shooter
Struck by the blue screen of death! - Alan Shooter
The editor is a real slave driver. - Alan Shooter
This new slimming diet really works. - Alan Shooter

We did have a few more entries, but to preserve the reputations of those who sent them in I won't print them.

Anyway if you have read this issue's editorial you might have discovered that Aaron's office chair broke. Now due to a goodly amount of fortune I happened to pop round just after the event happened, and have been able to record for posterity his attempts at using a dining room chair.

Ahh, what a happy camper. Actually this picture makes an interesting counterpoint to the skeletal figure in the first picture (Grrrr- ED). Any amusing captions for this visual masterpiece should be e-mailed to myself. Assuming we get any and they are funny I will publish them next issue.

As an aside I received this e-mail the other day.

You have just received the Amish Computer Virus. Because we don't
have any computers or programming experience this virus works on an
honour system. Please delete all the files from your hard drive and
manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list.
Thanks for your co-operation
Amish Computer Engineering Department

Luckily I am not as silly as I look. I only deleted the contents of !Boot.Resources just to be on the safe side.

The funny pictures

Would you buy an operating system from this lot?

Is it a mind numbing program from the Open University? Is it the FBIs most wanted list? No it's the complete staff of MicroSoft circa 1978, nice!

Meanwhile the Oregano beta testers have been hard at work.

Well at least they haven't been using this for beta testing.

Or this...

I recently read that MicroSoft are going to branch out in their continued plans for world domination, and offer an Internet service for animal lovers.

No doubt this logo will be lurking on the computer's case.

And of course it will be powering mission critical systems the world over.

Of course the real big news over the last couple of months has been the continued attempts to inspect Iraq's so called "weapons of mass destruction". We have an exclusive photo of that inspection in progress.

See you for the exiting start of Volume 4 of RISC World.

Hugh Jampton