RISC World

The Hugh Jampton Experience

Yes, live from the Ramada Ballroom Scunthorpe it'ssssssss the Huuuuugh Jaaaaampton Experience

So RISC World has staggered into Volume 4, and it only seems like a couple of months ago that we were still in Volume 3! Still enough of that, let's now move onto the sorry state of the caption competition.

Last issues caption competition

As you may well remember we ran a piccy of Aaron last issue and asked for your captions. Well we didn't get any. Actually thats not quite true, we might have had some but someone (Who? Me - ED) didn't set up my RISC World e-mail address so no one could get through. However I have now got Dave Holden to set up my e-mail address so you can now e-mail me using this link..

This issues caption competition

Well here it is, can you think of an amusing caption for this little gem?

As usual send your entries to me and we may even be able to come up with s small prize for the winner.

Hugh's Newsgroup Prima Donna guidelines

I have been doing quite a bit of lurking recently, and the good news is that the charges have been dropped. However I have also been lurking on newsgroups and doing a highly scientific study of newsgroup prima donnas. Why? Well to provide a service to RISC World readers of course. In case you are not aware a newsgroup Prima Donna is someone who has voluntarily elected themselves to be a moderator on an unmoderated newsgroup. It's a dirty job, but someone hasn't got to do it. These people exist all over usenet, they slave away tirelessly helping scare away new users, insulting existing ones and stressing their own importance without adding any value. So how do you identify a Prima Donna? Well luckily uncle Hugh is here to help with his simple guide. Read any computer newsgroup for a few weeks to identify the common posters then try identifying the Prima Donnas using these simple tests.

Simple guidelines to spotting a Prima Donna. For each Yes score 1 point, for each no score 0 points.

  • Does the suspected Prima Donna post at all hours of the day or night?
  • Does the suspect respond to a well constructed argument with mindless abuse?
  • Do they have a website containing lots of software they have written?
  • Does this software need obscure third party modules that are not linked to from the suspects site?
  • Once you have found the obscure components needed does the software still refuse to work?
  • If the software doesn't work do you have to install further third party bits which mess up other programs on your computer?
  • If you report the problem are you directed to a website that doesn't answer your question?
  • Does the suspect suffer from illogical thinking e.g. "I'm right because I'm xxxx and you are wrong because you are not"?
  • Does the suspect refer back to obscure postings from ages ago without remembering any of the actual details in the original posting?
  • Does the original posting actually contradict what suspect is saying now?
  • In response to simple questions from new users does the suspect post answers with some crucial information missing?
  • Does the suspect then claim that it was not necessary to include such information as "everyone who is familiar with this knows that"?
  • Does the suspect go by a short, but pointless, nick name that has no relation to their real name?
  • Does the suspect deliberately flame one individual because their higher level of knowledge threatens suspects perceived credabilty?
  • Does the subject complain about the way others post to the newsgroup?
  • Does the subject stop posting to a thread if they are corrected by someone else who they dare not argue with?
  • If you ask subject for their actual qualifications or details of real world projects they have been involved in do they mumble and then become abusive?
  • Does the suspect negatively respond to other peoples comments without either reading or understanding them?
  • Does suspect seem to believe that they are important and that their posting carry any weight?
  • And the final clincher does the suspect complain about these tests?

    So having added up you scores what do you get?

    • 0 to 5 pts - not a Prima Donna, just a normal helpful user.
    • 6 to 10 pts - expert in some fields but knows their limitations, may be having a bad day.
    • 10 to 15 pts - Junior Prima Donna given to occasional tantrums but still helpful.
    • 16 to 20 pts - A Prima Donna supremo, often rude with a massively inflated ego but no real knowledge or experience. Often mistaken for a rodent in poor lighting conditions.

So do you know anyone who fits this criteria? If so why not send the results of this test to me here as usual there is no prize, expect perhaps the fame of having your name printed in RISC World.

Anyway lets move on to some of the funny photos that have landed in the mailbox that is actually working.

Hidden display properties in Windows

And following on from our usual toilet humour.

And now a little something for the lady computer user.

And if she doesn't find that funny she certainly won't find this funny either.

And finally just what you have always suspected...

That's all from me for this issue, remember stay lucky, keep 'em peeled, don't have nightmares, goodnight.

Hugh Jampton