RISC World

The Hugh Jampton Experience

Yes it's the man from UNCLE (Useless Nitwit Can't Lift Engines)

Hello and welcome to another thrilling edition of the Hugh Jampton Experience!

The caption competition

Last issue we published the following picture and asked if our merry band of readers could come up with a suitable caption...

For some reason we had a much better response than in the previous issue, which had me worried, but luckily we can print a reasonable number of them...

"DVLA's new crackdown on illegal parking even took into account users who clamped their cars to prevent towing. They simply removed the road around your car."
Andrew Harmsworth

We also had a bundle of entries from Laurence Simmons.


"The new democracy: one man, one car, one wheel clamp."

"Can anyone give me a lift?"

"I wouldn't say that our wheel clampers are over zealous..."

We also had a fine entry from regular reader William McNee.

"Instead of clamping the car, I think the driver should be congratulated for being able to park there in the first place"
William McNee

John Crane also went into overload to come up with these...

"Short stay Car Park ! Hmm people seem to park here all day. We've tried clamping to no avail - so we just dug up the car park instead"

" I finally find a nice firm bit of ground to park on and they clamp me Typical !"

However for absolute and total cheek we have to return to Laurence with this...

"Congratulations! You've won the caption competition. Here's your prize."

Regretfully we don't normally have a prize, however as a special bonus we are allowing you to take yourself out for a meal, and to have the opportunity to pay the bill as well! Who says RISCWorld isn't generous?

So here's this issues picture, can anyone think of a suitable caption?

Send your entries to and you too could become a z-list celebrity.

Hugh's letters

I got this e-mail in from Chris Newman after the last issue of RISCWorld, for those of you who have been asleep we published a photo of a chap having a "gentlemens excuse me" over a Microsoft sign...

Dear Hugh,,
Got my copy of RISCWorld yesterday & was surprised to find there was only one entry for the picture caption competition & it wasn't mine. I sent you my entry - see below dotted line - on 25th June but maybe it didn't reach you in time. My machine said it went OK & it didn't get bounced back. Anyway, I'm sending them again for your delight & delectation. Better late than never!!! Could you please acknowledge receipt of this e-mail so we can check if it got to you OK. Many thanks for a good magazine again this month.
1. It couldn't happen to a nicer company.
2. Well, they do it to everyone else.
3. Pointing Percy at the programmers.....
4. I see the password protection program for the executive toilets has crashed again.
5. Just checking to see if micro & soft describe a medical condition that warrants referral to a sex therapist.
Chris Newman

Hugh's picture gallery

This issue's column has nearly turned into a real article, so I had better quickly fill it up with crap quickly...

And look we have just the thing to hand!

Of course I wouldn't want to say that all Macs are rubbish.

After all some operating systems might have been written by bicycle riders...

It's amazing though, just like a Weeble, Microsoft wobbles but it never falls down.

So like all good news programs (and ITN) lets finish with a cute animal picture.

Hugh Jampton