RISC World

The Hugh Jampton Experience

Agado, do do, push pineapple, shake the tree...what fell out? Why it's Hugh Jampton...

Last time I got told off for starting my column with a "welcome to the first column of 2007" comment. Then got heavily edited because everyone else had started their columns in the same way. So this time I will start with something different.

Welcome to the last Hugh Jampton column (whey! - ED) of this volume (oh... - ED). As usual this column has been written by specially trained robot squirrels that select words at random from a waterbut. Sorry, that should have been list. Anyway since we all know the format of the column and that nobody bothers reading it, let's carry on as normal.

The caption competition

As all our keen eagle footed readers will no doubt remember the idea of the caption competition is that I publish a picture and then ask you to send in a funny/amusing/any caption. Last issue I presented you with this:

We had a typically lax response, indeed all that I actually received was:

"No, I was wrong, I'm just not tall enough to lift the wheel off the ground. We'll have to use a jack."
Vince Hudd

"Yep, there's no problem with rust under here, it's all purrrrfect."
Vince Hudd

"Headline news! Vince manages to read an entire issue and enter the caption contest on time!" (Which of course has nothing to do with the caption)."
Vince Hudd

Strangely followed by...

"A general-purpose solution to these problems is under discussion and you should contact Acorn for a copy of the relevant application note." - the RISC OS Style Guide."
Vince Hudd

(For heavens sake that's his sig, you are getting desperate - Aaron).

Well at least we have a clear winner, a man of linguistic ability, Vince Hudd....come on down the price is ridiculous. As a special prize we are giving Vince a luxury DIY brain surgery kit, complete with hammer, chisel and the complete works of Enid Blyton.

Lets now trip gaily towards this issue's competition. Can anyone come up with a caption for this?

As always send anything, even spam for Viagra would be nice, to

Now in a break with lack of tradition we will have some funny pictures.

Hugh's picture gallery

Can you spot the problem with this?

Now a sign that really does mean something.

Don't drink and make signs would be more like it.

Shame bears can't read.

Although I doubt drunk people can either.

Luckily spys can.

Now we have a new section for the Hugh Jampton column...

Hugh's comedy links

Since this is a new feature we only have one link for you to follow this time....

So that's what Castle have been working on all this time! Ta ta.

Hugh Jampton